Coming Home

I came home tonight and you were not here. I couldn’t see you, I couldn’t hug you, I couldn’t kiss you. Why is it that I know where you are, I know you are well, but I feel so much pain? You’ve been gone a month and the pain is so fresh. It hurts more today than ever. I feel more alone than ever. I think its starting to settle in that you are gone. It took me leaving our home and returning to realize that you left for good. I miss you. I love you. Every note you left behind, every memory you gave me is a reminder of a love lost.

God giveth and God taketh away.

I want to stay strong, I want to be the man I promised I would be, but it isn’t getting easier, its getting harder. God has given us so much, but without you here to share it with me, how can I enjoy it? I look at the boys and so much of you is in them. I look at Cash and I see your face, I play with Brody and I feel your heart. Still something is missing.

God giveth and God taketh away.

I am here and you are gone. I think about you every second, I miss you every second, I love you every second of every day. Is this pain going to continue to get worse? Will I heal as God has healed you? I want to see you again. I will keep my promises and I will make sure that day will come.

God giveth and God taketh away.

I love you, I miss you and I will see you again.



9 responses to “Coming Home

  • stephanie

    I don’t know you, but have followed your journey through a mutual friend. I cannot begin to understand your aching. I am so sorry.
    A friend of mine posted this on facebook and thought I would pass it along.

    “Go gently through this day, keeping your eyes on Me. I will open up the way before you, as you take steps of trust along your path. Sometimes the way before you appears to be blocked. If you focus on the obstacle or search for away around it, you will probably go off course. Instead, focus on Me, the Shepherd who is leading you along your life-journey. Before you know it, the “obstacle” will be behind you and you will hardly know how you passed through it. –Jesus Calling, Oct 18″

    Peace to you and your family.

  • Lisa Fulton

    I am so sorry for your pain.
    God will make a way…when there seems to be no way…H e thinks of ways we cannot see…He will make a way for you!

  • Haddy Manuel

    Oh, Gabe –
    My heart is breaking for you today. Thinking of you and hoping for a better tomorrow. Hang in there…you are an inspiration to us all.
    With love,

  • Haylee

    I’ve never met you but I have followed your journey through an extended family member. I want you to know that my husband and I are praying for you each day and sharing your story with anyone who will pray as well. Your wife’s life is clearly continuing to touch your soul as well as the hearts of people around the world … I’m confident that she would be proud of the hands she left to hold her babies. I’m confident that her Faith in Christ lives on in you and your boys.

    Our prayers are with you – we know that God will provide peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7) as God works to bring good to you and your boys (Romans 8:28).

    As we have never walked this road, it is difficult for us to find words to bring comfort but God knows exactly where you are and He hears your heart better than any friend or loved one ever could. So, please know that as Christians around the globe are praying for you and God is working to heal and restore in a manner that only He can… “We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” (Romans 8:26)

    I pray you will continue to share your story and I’m confident that the Lord will continue to restore your home and bring life and joy as you remember Lindsay.

    Love in Christ – The Davis’

  • Mom

    Gabe my heart is bleeding for you – you are not alone – God has the plan for you just as he did for Lindsay – he is carrying you in your grief – take comfort in your sweet boys he has blessed you with their care. I love you and I am here for you every minute.

  • Julie Adams

    Gabe, my dad would spend months on end working out of town when Mom passed so he didn’t have to go home. He said it was the little things like leaning back in his recliner so he could see her better over in her chair or smelling her perfume in the bedroom. I told you it would be hard once you were not surrounded by people, but you must realize we are all there in spirit praying for all of you. Keep writing to get your thoughts out and just keep praying and loving.

    • Haylee

      You know… it’s beautiful to miss things like coming home to your wife or smelling her perfume, seeing her in the kitchen, etc. It’s beautiful because you must have treasured those moments when they were happening… they must have been some of the most treasured among all things you experienced with Lindsay. How blessed you are to have had the opportunity to feel such a deep love for Lindsay, to truly LIVE with and LOVE her.

      In a way, the “missing” is an incredible sign that you loved and lived just the way you should have – completely. How blessed she is to be married to man who adores her simply because she is lovely … to be honored with a marriage to someone who loves her most when living the “everyday” alongside her. Lindsay is a blessed woman – I’m confident she is eternally grateful and she is continuing to worship God with you, Gabe. I pray you feel a wave of peace, restoration and strength each time you remember how much you loved the “everyday” things with your bride.

  • Angie Robertson


    Like so many others on here, I don’t know you. I followed (as they did) a link to this blog. I lost my husband a year ago (leaving me with three young children.) It was different for me…he died suddenly and unexpectedly. I have often thought that would be easier than seeing him suffer. I see from your blog that I am probably right. I’m so sorry for your pain. I remember thinking, “If I can just get a year out from now maybe I’ll be okay.” You have it figured out already: God is faithful. And, well, just AMAZING!! Thank you for sharing your journey. Hang in there; stay the course. You’ve got this. NO, God’s got this, you only have to fall into Him, as you are already doing. I’ll be praing for you.

    Much love in HIM,
    Angie Robertson

  • vicki wright

    My dear sweet Gabe, I have never met you but if I ever had a son, I would want him to be just like you. I continue to love to read your words and admire your courage, and ability to be the person you are.. Lindsay was right on target when she chose you as her one and only;as were you when you chose her to be your bride and the mother of your children. I continue to think and pray for you all everyday. You have such a wonderful base in both families to surround you and the boys with love, support and prayers. Please stay strong and keep writing.God will continue to Bless you and the boys. All my love. Vicki

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