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What if

I told you God wants us to be happy?

I told you God wants us to trust him?

I told you God wants us to seek him?

I told you God can move mountains?

I told you God knows not “human time”, but “God’s time”?

I told you God hears your prayers?

I told you God has answered your prayers?

I told you I was hurting so bad on December 8th that I could hardly breath, so I left the house to go for a walk, climbed to the top of a rock, watched the sunset, prayed and the only word that could come out of my mouth was “more.” I prayed to God, “I need more, I don’t know what that is, but you do, I am ready for it, so please give it to me.”?

I told you I got this message that night?

“Hi Gabe,
My name is ___ and I was in the pledge class above Lindsay and I’ve been just devastated about her passing. I’ve always had trouble understanding the “why” and “how” when someone is taken so young. I’ve kept up with your blog and it’s truly been so inspiring to me. It’s actually strengthened my faith and encouraged me to live each day to the fullest.

Since Lindsay’s passing I pray for Lindsay, you, and your family every night. Less than a month ago, an aqaintance from high school named ___ here in ___ (where I live) lost her husband in a car accident. I found myself lying in bed one night praying for both of you and couldn’t help but notice the similarities in your situations. During that prayer I felt compelled to pass on your blog to ___. I don’t normally message people at random, so it felt awkward, but nonetheless I felt through my prayer that I should pass it on in hopes she would be comforted by your faith and knowing someone else was going through the same thing. So…I sent her your blog. Surprisingly, she responded immediately (taken back by the similarity) and thanked me for passing it on. She actually asked for your contact information, so I just sent her your name on FB and your blog address. I wanted to let you know and give you her contact info on FB. Her name is ___ from ___.

All that said, I wanted you to know that your writing is a true testament of your faith and I can clearly see God working through you. It is also helping others keep hope and faith in difficult times. 

I will continue to keep you and your sweet family in my prayers.”

I told you just a little bit later that night I received this message?

“Hi Gabe!

___ gave me your name and told me a little about your story. 

Gabe, I am just so sorry! My heart aches for you! From reading your blog and your fb wall, I am already in love with your sweet Lindsay! She is absolutely beautiful and I’m sure the most amazing wife/mom you could have ever dreamed of! I would have loved to have had the chance to meet her! She (you) has inspired me so much already! I can’t even imagine how she must have been in person! I look forward to meeting her someday! 

You both have touched so many people. I can see you have a very large support system as well, but there is just something about talking with someone who is actually living it. Right?

My husband, 18 month old daughter and I were in a car accident on 11/13. (two days after your anniversary) The other vehicle failed to stop at a stop sign and ___ was thrown from our car. I thought he was dead immediately but actually passed away a few hours later at a local hospital. Those images will last forever. (As I’m sure you can remember the most intimate detail of your last day together!) I would love to swap stories about our amazing spouses and our one-of-a-kind marriages! 

Can you be that person for me? Do you already have your “go-to person?” I would like to go through this grieving process with someone, and the obvious choice for me is YOU!  If you are up for it? I have learned a lot about this process and one of them being- everyone grieves differently! So if you don’t feel comfortable about this, I totally support and will understand completely! I just felt compelled to ask. 

God has given me so much peace! You will now be part of my daily prayers and I won’t stop praying for you and those sweet baby boys of yours! I pray he will give you peace and comfort everyday! We can only take this one day at a time!

I would love to stay in contact through texts and/or calls. Face-to-face at some point would even be better! 

Looking forward to hearing from you!”

I told you she lost her high school sweetheart my first day of my “healing” trip that I spent 8 days on?

I told you the week of “healing” for me was the single worst week of this person’s life?

I told you we began communicating and found comfort in each other’s pain?

I told you we could relate on every level from when and how we met our spouse to the faith we have in the Lord to the love we have experienced and lost?

I told you the first week she was thrown into my life, I smiled the first “real” smile since Lindsay had passed away?

I told you we met at the airport and I had more spiritual happenings in 12 hours than I have had in my entire life?

I told you God broke me that week and humbled me to the point of physical pain?

I told you HE lit my Spirit on fire and has restored me?

I told you we have talked every day since December 10th?

I told you we are in love?

I told you we will grieve our first love and continue to love them for the rest of our lives?

I told you we pray every day that we are following God?

I told you we stay conscious of keeping God at the center of our relationship?

I told you she is 28 years old?

I told you her name is Lindsey?

I told you we are not in control?

I told you I live this life for God?

 

Would you believe me?

Gabe

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77 responses to “What if

  • Katie D.

    Gabe,

    I don’t know you, but read every entry you post. I have often prayed you would find it in you to move on. That someone would be placed by God, perfectly in your life. Not a replacement, but another chance. On Tuesday, I was absent-mindedly watching Live! with Kelly, and this story came on:

    http://www.dadt.com/live/index.html?bcpid=1135537395001&bckey=AQ~~,AAAAABGr2I4~,jeitpkmmkDlgpSja3DYUiaPSGSpiMTiY&bclid=1138334169001&bctid=1425949262001

    I immediately thought of you, and am so happy to read that this ending is a real possibility for you. Congrats, best wishes, and I pray that both of your spouses live on in your new life together!

    • Gabe

      Thank you for your prayers Katie! I can tell you it feels exactly how you described and she and I both discuss that… it is not a replacement, we can not replace our spouses. There is no comparison. They are wonderful and there is no way to live up to anything they were. We both have a love and respect for the other’s spouse that only two people in our circumstance I feel would “get.” I feel very blessed to have two loves like this in my lifetime. As written before… we don’t run out of love, there is no end, we have an unlimited supply, and this is proof to that. “Do everything in love.”

      Thank you for sending the link, the signs they see, we have seen MANY. It is pretty unbelievable!

      Gabe

  • Erin Morgan

    Gabe, wow! I am floored at the way God continues to work for you and through you. We both love the same God and I believe in His good plans for us. However, it’s often hard to believe, when in the midst of life not going according to our plan that we are actually living God’s plan – one that while painful, will yield a greater future than we could have imagined. Thank you for reminding me of this – I desperately needed to “hear” that and pray that I have the strength to let God work His plan in my life. Thank you for sharing this journey and for having wisdom beyond your years. I am lifting up prayers of thanksgiving for the healing God is delivering to you and Lindsey. I will continue to keep you in my prayers! Much love, Erin

    • Gabe

      Thank you Erin, I know it is a lot to take in, but God is so powerful and I pray that he works in everyone’s life the same way he has worked in mine!

      Gabe

  • Joy

    That is amazing Gabe! I will continue to pray for you and I will add her to my prayers. God is amazing, isn’t he? Much happiness to you. I know the pain will never leave you, but I pray that you two can find peace and comfort in each other.

  • Jessie

    This is unbelieveable!!! I am completely full of goose bumps after reading this. I am Lindsey’s sister in law Jessie. I’m married to her brother Jerad and we live in South Dakota. When Lindsey first told us we should read your blog I couldn’t believe how similar your situations are. I actually thought to myself “These 2 would be perfect for each. Wouldn’t it be amazing if they ended up with each other.” I am almost speechless. I am so happy for both of you. I hope to meet you and your 2 sweet boys soon. I know this is the work of God and you have my blessings.

    Jessie Carroll

  • Jessie

    I am speechless! There are no words to describe how I feel after reading this. I am Lindsey’s sister in law Jessie. I’m married to her brother Jerad and we live in South Dakota. I don’t consider her as my sister in law as she is more like a sister. When I first read your blog I thought to my self how awesome it would be if you two ended up with each other. I am so happy for both of you and you have my blessings. I look forward to meeting you and your 2 sweet boys.

    Jessie

  • Jessie

    Well I didn’t think my first one posted so a did a new one and I guess they both decided to post 🙂

  • Audrey Andrews

    GABE! I have so many words… so many thoughts and they are all so positive! I’ve continued to pray for you and Lindsey- The Abels, Scott’s friends… the list goes on. I am constantly amazed at the vastness of God’s provision! The revealing of His good and perfect plan everyday. Perfect? How can we say perfect? Scott is gone. Lindsay is gone. But God is so good. He knows. His glory prevails! From the immediate tug in my spirit to pray Lindsey’s future. Then God revealed 1 Kings 17:14 “The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord gives rain on the land. She (the widow) went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry..” He continues to pour His spirit on us in a time when it seems everything would be so sad and so dark. What does God have in store for those who follow Him? I’m ready to be part of it! I’ve lost a friend… but I see. I see His love, provision, timing, blessing… Cameron (my husband) and I look forward to meeting you soon.

    • Gabe

      Hello Audrey, I have heard so much about you! Thank you for all the prayers, I know you have been right there for Lindsey from the very beginning and it is so important for us to know that the prayers keep coming. There is no easy part to any of this. We are fortunate to have friends like you in our lives to keep us in check and to help us through prayers. Looking forward to meeting you!

      Gabe

  • Lyndsey is my name too

    WOW… I’m so happy for the both of you!! What a blessing!! I cant imagine the pain both of you have been through!! I am so glad you guys now have each other to heal and connect with!! Bless ya’lls hearts!!

  • BBJones

    I would never imagine that I would be commenting here, but I felt an urge to write something…anything, even though no words ever come to mind when I read your blog. I was really sick with an awful cold and a small bump that turned out to be MRSA in December. I recovered almost immediately, but I am not sure emotionally I have been the same since, especially since I live in fear that I will constantly get this MRSA again even though it was just a tiny bump. Amazing how much just simple terminology (and the unknown) can effect you. Which is why it is so important to just have faith and realization that we are not in control. Anyway, It was then that I began reading your blog (with many many tears) and I haven’t stopped thinking of you, your boys, and your sweet wife who passed entirely too young, since. You have been a reminder that life is way too short and to enjoy every single moment I have with my husband and sweet one year old baby boy. I pray you find the peace and happiness that you deserve. Your wife seemed like a true angel. God bless you guys!

  • BLB

    I’ve been following your posts for months now without having commented. After reading this post and seeing all of the positive responses posted by others I’m afraid I’ll have to voice a dissenting opinion.

    While I’ve never lost a spouse with whom I’ve had children with, I have lost those close to me so I feel like I may be able to empathize with you on a certain (albeit smaller) level. I know that people of faith often search desperately for reasons why things so unspeakable happen, imploring God for answers. From personal experience, I’ve found it easy to find signs anywhere I looked in an attempt to put God’s stamp of approval or at least some sort of understanding as to why God did/allowed such a tragic event to occur.

    Both you and your new interest have experienced horrible loss, which nobody deserves to experience…especially at such a young age. This loss is common ground and probably is what drew you both to one another. I’m afraid that is where your connection begins and ends.

    I’m sure any respected psychologist or counselor will tell you both that neither has spent enough time grieving the loss of a spouse. In both cases, a mere couple of months (if that)?

    How do you think this post would make Lindsay’s family feel? They’ve lost the dearest, sweetest member of their family and now I bet they feel as though the remaining worldly connection to their Lindsay is slipping away into something new. I know you say there will never be a replacement, but with two young children you’d be surprised how quickly they may forget their mother and begin identifying a new one.

    In my opinion, the coming year (or more) needs to be centered around your children, your family, and Lindsay’s family. I’m afraid this post is based on misguided feelings and I’m certain it doesn’t do anything to honor Lindsay’s life. I wonder what her children will think when they are of an age and capacity to understand the events of the past few months?

    I hate to sound harsh as I never met Lindsay and I’ve only seen you twice (Lindsay’s funeral and the bench dedication at Lindsay’s (and her mother’s) old elementary school in Arlington, but I feel like a voice of reason needs to be heard. I’m sure other close to you are feeling the same way but do not wish to upset you by offering a dissenting opinion with their name on it.

    I hope you find peace and comfort as you continue on in your journey towards healing. I sincerely hope you make some of your more personal blog entries (which could potentially hurt/sadden those close to you, the boys, and Lindsay’s family) private.

    • Gabe

      Thank you BLB for your response. I did not include details in the post as when I write I truly feel the Spirit speaking and it comes from a place that I can not even wrap my human brain around. You covered a lot of ground, which I am actually glad about because I feel I can address a lot of the issues that play out all day every day for the two of us, our families, our closest friends, and our pastors.

      I am sorry you have lost people that are close to you, to relate, Lindsay was a lot of things to a lot of people. She was a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, a best friend, a teacher, a care taker, the list goes on, so I am sure you can empathize with many of these things, but a spouse, unless you have lost one, you can not. Just as I can not feel the pain of losing a child as my Mother and Father In-law have. I can not relate to the pain Lindsay’s sister feels, I can not relate to the pain her grandfather feels, I can not relate to the pain her cousins feel, I can not relate to the pain her aunts and uncles feel. A loss of a loved one is beyond complicated and I will never understand while here on this Earth.

      When Lindsay passed away, I never searched for a reason. I am a man of faith in the Lord and it is an unwavering faith. Who am I to question an almighty God, the same God that gave me the gift of Lindsay and in scripture also tells me that HE can taketh away? I started experiencing spiritual happenings, “signs” if you will prior to Lindsay’s death and I voiced them to her, my family, and my closest friends. These are not things I went searching for, but things that went searching for me. I chose to listen. I realize not everyone chooses to listen to God when he speaks, but I do. I feel it has gotten me to a pretty amazing place in this life. It has guided me through my entire life. I have never asked why this occurred and if you want my answer, I would tell you because of this. Not this relationship, but this right here. I am getting to share my testimony with thousands of people every week and people are listening. Not to my words, but to words that are handed to me through the Spirit. I have seen first hand how many people her death has affected in a positive way and that gives me the ability to breath every morning when I wake up and she is not next to me.

      Yes, we both have experienced a horrible loss that I would never wish on my worst enemy. Beyond the loss, we relate on levels that few can understand. The comparisons are unreal and it is literally like we have been walking parallel lives, so yes, we do have common ground. Believe or not we are able to have conversations that extend well beyond our losses. Just like every day people that are still living. We talk about faith, things that happen with our kids, work, TV shows, movies, music, and just about anything else you and I would discuss if we were friends. So to say it begins and ends there is not fact.

      We have been seeking counsel from pretty much anyone who will listen and the two people closest to me, which happen to be my closest spiritual leaders (my boss and my pastor), the two people that have actually been with us together and they are incredibly supportive. Yes, they raise questions, yes they play devil’s advocate, and yes they take into consideration everyone around, yet they see it in real life and see how real this is.

      I know exactly how Lindsay’s family feels as I have been honest with them from day 1. I have never once hidden any truths about mine and Lindsey’s relationship and as hard as it is on them through all the pain already inflected on them, they still love me and listen and I am thankful for that. These are conversations I would love to run from and again, never wish on my worst enemy, but I have tried to handle this in the best possible way considering the horrible circumstances. If I thought for two seconds this was just a “bandaid” I would not be where I am today with Lindsey. It actually causes me pain to have these conversations with them and I can not even imagine theirs. But I refuse to run from this.

      This post stems from people starting to question family and friends about whether or not I am in a relationship. Lindsay’s death has been made very public through this blog and it is a double edge sword for me. I put myself out there with my faith and the very personal things I discuss not for me, but for the people that find inspiration and see faith in real life. This is again, something God has guided me to do from the very beginning. If Lindsay’s death was not as public as it is, then I would never have come out this way, but the fact is in order to move forward and to not put my family (meaning Lindsay’s too) in a bad situation where they are forced to be secretive (lie), the time had come to make people aware. My heart breaks every day for the family that I love as I feel that I am causing this pain. The bottom line is timing, nothing else. The same timing that if I had it my way I would have said “Hold on God, the timing is bad for me, wait to take Lindsay’s life in 80 years.” I did not agree with this timing as well. I was on a mission, a path, that I actually wrote about when I talked about Paul stating that “You may be happier if you remain the same.” I had publicly confessed this and not only that, I was walking the walk until the 12 hours that physically and mentally broke me in order for me to listen. These signs were not looked for they found me.

      The coming year and beyond is very much centered around my children, family, and Lindsay’s family. I have been forced to prioritize… 1) God, 2) children, 3) Family, 4) Friends, 5) Everyone else. Again, how can I deny a God that has shown so much grace? There are more blessings shouting in this relationship than you could ever imagine. Can imagine a God that would actually realize that everyday Brody is becoming more and more aware of his surroundings and his new “normal” is no Mommy, so he sends a love between two people that really only needs to be seen by them to comfort that sweet boy? Can you imagine that same God showing more grace and providing more peace than most people see in a lifetime? I can only pray my children receive as much love from our God that I have. I will spend the rest of my life making sure they understand how powerful and merciful that God is too. Thank you for your concern for my boys.

      You are not harsh and I hope you see with open eyes as this journey has only begun. I appreciate the concerns and I appreciate prayers even more!

      To be a voice of reason in an unreasonable life is not possible. I did not ask for any of this.

      With the sincerest love.

      Gabe

      • Gabe

        One more comment and PLEASE take this to heart! Please do not get harsh on here. I believe that BLB handled his concerns very well and I know with this discussion it will be very easy to get heated with passion. Please respectfully choose a proper way to voice your concerns. Be respectful of the family and remember the boys will read this one day.

        Thank you!

        Gabe

  • Nik

    BLB,
    I will be honest some of those thoughts you brought up in your post did cross my mind..for a second. Then I thought about how open and honest and raw all of the other posts have been on this blog. Choosing to express oneself shouldn’t be limited, and we can not expect people to act think feel in the way we want them to. If you do not support or agree with something, fine..it is your choice to read this blog, to learn something intimate about someone else’s life.

    It is not your choice to dictate when love is appropriate for someone else, how grief should be dealt with, when is too soon. I trust that Gabe is showing respect to Lindsey family and is doing not what is best for you but for himself, his children and for the memory of his wife. Have faith that we are placed in the here and now for a reason, years of grief will undoubtedly continue but suggesting that someone shouldn’t be able to find comfort in another is just wrong.

    Gabe didn’t choose when Lindsay left just as much as he can’t choose when another is brought into his life. Have faith not in just God’s plan but HAVE FAITH IN OTHERS, it is possibly to find a good and bad in every situation, it is possible to focus on the bad and not the good, it is impossible to choose when good and bad come into our life.

    Be well Gabe and know that even people that have never met or Lindsey trust in your decisions, your love, and your sincerity.

    Nik

  • Chris Lewis

    I have never left a message on this blog before. I feel for the first time, I need to. I am Gabe’s brother and only sibling. I want to start by saying God is GREAT! I haven’t ever responded before because Gabe and I have these discussions between the two of us. I just feel in my heart that I need to this time, especially based on the last response I just read. Gabe told me about Lindsey on Christmas morning. Ever since the second he did, I have supported him with all of my heart and soul since. I love him. That’s why I support him. We both believe that our amazing God works in a way that not one of us can ever understand. That’s why I support him. I’ll take God’s word that he can do anything and everything beyond anything any of our silly little human minds could ever fathom. Brody and Cash, who I love more than words, have one mother. Gabe and Lindsey know that. The same goes for Lindsey’s bundle of joy. She has one father. I’m not going to pretend for one second that I know what’s going on in Heaven, but I have a painted picture in my head. Gabe and Lindsey’s lost loves are in heaven (the luckiest ones out of this whole incredible story, in all honesty) looking down with smiles on their faces. They are so happy that the two people they loved more than anybody in their short life on Earth are smiling again. I can see the empathetic tears in their eyes, when they begged God to heal the pain in their hearts. Only God loves them more than they do. I miss my sister in law everyday. I will miss her everyday for the rest of my life. She cannot be replaced. Lindsey’s husband cannot be replaced. These two beautiful people still here on Earth are not trying to replace anybody. They love each other. How beautiful is that? Love is the greatest gift God gave us. Why deny it? Because “professionals” and “counselors” say it’s wrong or a bad idea? I’ll go ahead and listen to my Father. The one that DOES know everything. There is no time stamp on anything. In this difficult world we live in, I’ll take stories like this to use as proof of my faith of how God loves us more than we could imagine and that he is at the wheel. I’m sorry for anyone that feels like their opinion is stronger than fact. The fact is we need to all be behind these two wonderful, God loving adults that were given an amazing gift in each other. If everybody will please just trust in God, not only for these two but in all of your individual lives to better yourselves, we would all be better.

    Proverbs 3:5- Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

  • Lindsey Wright

    Gabe, Gabe, GABE!!
    So many things to say to you… I’m not even quite sure where to start. I have felt compelled to write you for some time, yet I knew that the time was not right. Funny how we debate so much on the “right time”, yet nothing ever seems to happen when we feel as if the time were right. It wasn’t the right time for Lindsey to lose Scott or for Presley to lose her dad. It wasn’t the right time for you to lose Lindsay or for your precious boys to lose their mother. I read your comment above that you never question “why”? I, on the other hand, am constantly questioning. Why did this happen to her? Why did this happen to you?

    Truth be known, the answer is right in front of our face. God is the reason. The immediate verse following the one your brother cited… Proverbs 3:6-Always let Him lead you & He will clear the road for you to follow. Falling in love with each other does not lessen your love for Scott or Lindsay. As a witness for the love that Lindsey & Scott had, I can attest to its’ vastness, its’ intensity. I know the questions that will follow in the immediate days after the revelation of your relationship. Isn’t it too soon? Did she ever really love Scott? I thought she loved him? How could she move on so soon? How could she do this to his family? If I hadn’t witnessed the profound love that they had for one another, I may would question these things. And then I also remember, this is HIS time. He provides. He is always providing.

    So many nights immediately following the passing of Scott, I lay awake praying for Lindsey. So many midnight texts back & forth, with her pouring out her heart & soul. So many nights. I saw from the beginning the fear that she would never find someone else to love. From afar, it was easy for me to see. I just couldn’t make her see it. She loves. She loves & has so much love left to give. I knew the right man would come along. I know Scott is smiling down on this, knowing that HIS Lindsey, his “one” will be taken care of by a man with an unshaken faith. And I know Scott. This is exactly what he would want. Someone to love her & P, to provide for her & P, to care for her & P, to grow old with her & P. And he’d kick her if she didn’t take this opportunity because it was “too soon”!!

    I trust “my” Lindsey! I trust her heart. She is all heart. Her heart is what guides her, it’s what keeps her going. She is heart. And if her heart loves you, I do not doubt it. If her heart loves you, then THIS is love.

    Can’t wait to meet you, Gabe. Absolutely cannot wait to meet you!
    The “other” Lindsey Wright in YOUR life (that’s right, I’m in your life now!!)

    • Gabe

      Hi Lindsey, I have heard a lot about you. Yes, God is the reason for ALL of this. The peaks, the valleys, everything. I am sure this will be debated for a long time, but the fact is, we are not the first to experience this sort of thing, we will not be the last, the longer its debated, the more time has passed, and no matter what happens we continue to keep God as the foundation of our relationship. There have been no decisions made thus far, we are just being in the place God wants us with the person we feel God wants in our life right now.

      I just told her last week that she is all heart. That is the only way to describe her and I love that so much about her.

      I hope to meet you soon!

      Gabe

  • Amy

    Gabe, I have been following your blog for about a month now, ever since Lindsey told me about it, and I can’t even begin to tell you what a testiment ofGod’s power it has been for me. The second I heard the stories and how they were intertwined, I knew it was a God thing! I pray for all of the people involved that healing takes place and Peace and Love prevail! Our Lord is so powerful and loving, I understand that on a different level because of your honesty through writing and watching my friend walk these last few months. Please keep writing as the Spirit moves you – I know God isn’t done yet and I want to have a front row seat to see the wonders he is going to do. I hope to meet you one day soon!
    Amy

  • Angie M.

    What an amazing way to see God’s work in your lives. I am truly at a loss for words after reading the way He has shown Himself in all of this. I am one of your many followers who reads and doesn’t know you personally. Is Lindsey willing to share her blog? I’d love to read about her walk as well. Best of luck to you and your boys.

    • Gabe

      Hi Angie, it is pretty amazing to see Him reveal himself when you let Him. Thanks for reading and I hope you find something in it for you. Lindsey does not currently have a blog, but I am sure her story will be shared at some point. 🙂 She is an amazing woman and I am so lucky that God has put her in my life. You will see why!

      Gabe

  • Razan

    Erik and I are so very happy for you Gabe. I share this blog with him everytime you post, and we were both shocked and ecstatic. Of course this is God..who else?

    Psychology and medicine in general have come such a long way in allowing us to begin understanding what we are and how we function, but anyone vaguely familiar with medicine knows that we have not even cracked the surface of what truly occurs in the brain, and how we truly function. As quickly as medicine reveals a new piece of the puzzle, more questions and mysteries are revealed. God created us in such a way to allow for the mystery. If we were capable of knowing everything, then we wouldn’t need God to guide us.

    The steps of grieving may be long and may seem impossible to overcome, but I don’t recall medicine implying that this grieving process, which you and Lindsey are going through, MUST be dealt with alone.

    Love is not just a matter of the heart, it is a matter of the mind. When you fell in love with Lindsay, that was not a forced decision based on fact and fiction, but rather emotions, feelings, and chemicals in the brain that we cannot command to release. The same is true of your love for Lindsey. Nothing, aside from walking away, could prevent it. And even then, your unhappiness would cloud your judgement, leave you in a worse state, and possibly delay the grieving process which you have been on since her passing.

    God gave us a brain to think with, and medicine is proof of that and a gift from God, but in no way is it the EXPLANATION. God is the explanation.

    This new path you have been set on is a difficult, exciting and wonderful thing. The path you choose to take together is only yours to take, so God Bless, congratulations on your blessing, and please keep the posts coming!

    • Gabe

      Hi Razan, I always enjoy reading your comments because they tend to sway from the “norm.” God can not be solved, life can not be solved, faith and love will always trump science.

      Gabe

      • Razan

        Absolutely! There is so much beauty and comfort in that, because to me not knowing is just as comforting as knowing…to me it means that there IS a God who only wants us to know what we need to know and nothing else. He takes care of us and that is proven in your journey thus far.

  • kimmy winter

    beautifully written! im in absolute awe and so happy for you both. God is so good and no doubt He has a perfect plan. incredible!!! glad your smiling!!!

  • Stephanie

    When Lindsey told me about you was the first time since before Scott’s death that I have seen that sparkle in her eyes. Although I know there is still (and will continue to be) a lot of pain, to know that she now has some happiness is such a blessing. Thank you! I have been and will continue to be praying for this relationship.

    • Gabe

      Thank you so much Stephanie! Lindsey’s family is everything to her and I have learned so much about all of you in the time we have been getting to know each other. I am so thankful for her as well. We appreciate the prayers as they will be needed for not only us, but you and the rest of the family as well on this road to healing.

      Gabe

  • SR

    Hi Gabe!
    I have been following your blog for a few months and it is one of my favorites! I just wanted to say how happy I am for you and your newfound happiness. I am a mother of 3 young daughters and the wife to an incredible husband that I love more than life itself. That being said, if something were to ever happen to me, I would never want my husband for even ONE second to have to hurt and despair, even though I know that is not possible. We have had several discussions that if something were to ever happen to me, I would WANT and sincerely HOPE for him to find someone to love and to ease the loneliness. I would WANT someone to love my 3 precious babies along side of my husband. I’m sure Lindsay felt the same way. I am just so happy to read this post today and know that you are finding love manifested in someone else and I pray for during your journey together. Keep the posts coming, you are inspiring and lifting up more people than you know!!

    • Gabe

      Hi Shelby, thank you for reading and taking an interest in this story. Lindsay never told me she would want me to move on. We actually had a conversation about it in good fun within a month of her getting sick. I remember exactly where we were and I told her I would never move on. She just said, “Yes you would.” and I told I truly meant it. She never said she would want me to. With everything that has surrounded us in our “coming together”, I can’t help but see Lindsay in all of this. I can just picture her telling God that it is going to have be something pretty dramatic for me to listen and accept a new love. I know she wants what is best for the boys and me as does our good Lord. I will do everything in my power to make sure I am where HE wants me, which I believe is ultimately where she would want me!

      Gabe

  • shrutitrivedi

    Hi Gabe,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Your wife was definitely a great person. And the way you write! I adore it. Wish you very much luck ahead!
    PS-I lost my grandmother too, very recently. But it was a strange experience for me. As you might read on my blog- shrutitrivedi.wordpress.com. Hope you would check in.

    • Gabe

      Thank you for reaching out, I appreciate you seeing how wonderful Lindsay is. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother, I will take a look at your blog.

      Gabe

  • justamom

    Could you of ever imagined…while seeing your sweet..perfect..beautiful wife Lindsay laying in the hospital bed..sick..just so thankful to have you by her side…that you would be telling her…in three months I will have found a new love. Merley 3 months after her passing? I find it hard to believe that you think this isbwhat God has chosen for you. God does put people in your life for a reason. But you are in control of your life and can choose to fall in love with the new girl or not. I think you should keep Lindsey as a close friend. But respect your wife enough to keep it as just friends for a while. I’m sure if she is like me She wouldn’t want you to rush into another relationship. Give it a break and just focus of your two boys. In a few months they wont even remember their mothers smile for they will have another woman’s smile in their minds.

    • Gabe

      Hi “Justamom”, no I could not have imagined 4 months ago that my sweet, perfect, beautiful wife would be taken from me in a matter of 10 days. I did not imagine she would be taken from me the day we went into the hospital and I did not imagine the morning I woke up in the hospital on the 10th day that she would be taken from me just hours later. While sitting next to her reading prayers, I did not imagine she would be taken from me. When they were doing CPR on her I did not imagine she would be taken from me. It was not until I was forced to scream at the top of my lungs “STOP”, that I knew she was going to be taken from me.

      My faith is nothing new, I have walked a life full of faith. I have seen valleys, I have seen mountain tops and as I am in all of those places, I look back and can not imagine thinking I would be there. As faithful as I have been, I never believed I would be able to get up out of bed every day to take care of my boys, but that happens. I never imagined making it one day in this life without my wife. We had plans… our plans. I have been forced into a new life that does not consist of my wife physically here and I now listen closely as I have throughout my life to make sure I am in the place where God wants me for His plans.

      I never imagined I would have someone in my life that is as incredible as Lindsey. How could God give me the gift of two amazing woman? Why would I be so lucky? I did not seek any of this. I resisted greatly, until I was broken. It took God breaking me and humbling me to the core to get me to listen. My timeframe was non existent for someone to come into my life as I have discussed before. Right now my focus is being in the place the Lord wants me. Next is my boys and then family and then everyone else.

      “Human” Lindsay would be in disbelief about this. She knows my heart better than anyone, that is why it would take someone as amazing as Lindsey for God to get me to Listen. I have not ever spoken for Lindsay on here besides “I feel bad.” and that is because I have no idea what someone feels in Heaven. If I was forced to guess what she would want right now though, it would be to continue to honor her, which I have done to the best of my ability, but more importantly follow God’s will. She would want her boys to be taken care of and feel the love of a mother. She would want me to feel the love a companion. She would want all of this on God’s time and I am certain she is not worried about Earthly time right now. I am certain my boys will never forget their mother’s smile, I have and will continue to make sure of that. Brody just kissed her picture goodnight a couple hours ago as he always does.

      None of this is easy. It is complicated beyond any comprehension. I will always honor and love my Lindsay and be thankful for the 13 years I had with her. It’s not for us to understand though and we are definitely not in control.

      Thank you for sharing your feelings.

      Gabe

      • Hilary Trottier

        I posted my original comment before I saw “Justamoms” comment. It has been on my mind since I read it and I just had to post a reply.

        Most people never have the conversation that starts, “If I die…” – especially at our age. However, when I was 23 and married for 4 months, my husband and I faced that conversation as he prepared for his first deployment (he is in the Army). Was it pleasant? No! However, it was something we felt like we needed to do. My husband started it with, “If I don’t come back, I don’t want you to stay single forever.” Wow… that hit me like a ton of bricks! First, I didn’t want to think about him not coming back and second I couldn’t imagine myself with someone else. However, it started a long conversation about what we would hope the other would find in another spouse. We both agreed that of course we would want the other to re-marry. What’s the point of staying single if you find someone else – we wouldn’t be coming back. The other things that we said we would hope the other would wait for was someone who: respected our memory/legacy, had faith in God and a strong relationship with Him, and would love our children like their own. I can’t speak for Lindsay, but I’m assuming she would say something along the same lines. It sounds like Lindsey has these qualities and more. Why does it matter that it happened “so soon”? Brody and Cash are not going to forget Lindsay because you, Gabe, will not let them. You will tell them stories and show them pictures. They may not have “memories” of her, but they will remember her. In the meantime, it is good for them to have a “mother figure” who will love them like they were 100% hers.

        And let’s face it – you weren’t out at bars hunting a woman. God presented her to you. God has his own timing.

  • Jessie

    After reading justamom’s response I felt like I had to respond. Most peoples first reaction is to think that it is way too soon. But only Gabe, Lindsey and God know if this is right for them and us on the outside have to trust in their decisions. I didn’t know Lindsay but I did know Scott and I know he would want Lindsey to be happy no matter how long (or short) it took. Lindsey has always been a very happy outgoing person and Scott would not want his death to change that. I’m so happy and thankful that you two found each other and can’t wait to see Lindsey happy again.

  • Amanda

    I know you don’t know me and I don’t know you–and I’m not exactly sure how I stumbled upon your blog a few months ago, but I’ve been reading ever since, and I continue to re-read posts (more often that I’d honestly like to admit.) I want you to know that your story and your unconditional faith have completely moved me, motivating me to be closer to God and to be a stronger person. You help me remember to “let go and let God.” Thank you for that.

  • Hilary Trottier

    Gabe, I am so happy for you! God is so faithful and wonderful to provide – not only for you, but for your boys. This blog gave me goosebumps.

    • Gabe

      Thank you Hilary! No matter how much people say its my faith, I see it the other way around I think you do too! He is the faithful one, all we have to do is let go and love Him!

      Gabe

  • jocelynsexton

    Hi Gabe,
    I don’t know you, but my husband grew up in Arlington and I know many people in DFW… and many of my husband’s friends’ wives were friends with your wife. I heard about about her very tragic death on Facebook and my heart went out to you and your boys. I have a two-year-old son, and I just cannot imagine how life would go on if my husband or I left this world. I prayed for you and your little family. And even though I do not know y’all, I couldn’t help but cry.

    I found out about your blog the day this post went up. I read this post from my iPhone, and I was so shocked and awed (in a positive way) but the miracle twist to your story. And then I went out to my car on my lunch break from work, and I read your blog from my phone for the next 40 minutes, tearing up several times.

    I hope this really is a miracle and wonderful turning point for you… a beautiful blessing to find a new lifetime of love and happiness after something so unbelievably tragic. As much as I enjoy reading your sweet memories of Lindsay (and I really do… so I hope you continue that), I also look forward to hearing more about Lindsey.

    • Gabe

      There is no doubt God is doing what He will in all of this. Blessings will be given and they can be taken away, but He will always remain a faithful and loving God.

      Gabe

  • Debbie Villagomez

    Hi Gabe! I’ve been following your story ever since Lindsay first got sick. Even attending her beautiful funeral service. I’ve always loved your blog so much and truly feel like anyone that reads it can’t help but become closer to God (and their own loved ones) from hearing your story.

    When I first read this post, I was shocked. But, it didn’t take me long to remember that who are any of us to judge your actions? Or Lindsey’s for that matter. We haven’t gone through any of your pain. We don’t know what it’s like on a daily basis for you. I think of you guys just about every day and say prayers every night for your family. I absolutely can’t imagine. Some may think there’s some unwritten timeline for a person’s grieving process. But, that simply doesn’t exist. Some may grieve more in 1 day, than someone else might grieve in 1 year, or longer. Either way, it’s not our call.

    I’ve been married to my prince charming for 5 1/2 years and we have 2 beautiful little boys. Of course when we all have the “what if something happened to me” conversation, no one ever wants to think about your significant other with a new love. But, at the end of the day, we wouldn’t want them suffering or grieving forever. I know if it was me, I would want my husband to love again and for someone to be there with my boys. I also know that I have no control over what that timeline would look like – God forbid something happen to one of us. It’s none of our calls.

    I do feel bad that you’re getting caught in a tug-of-war of emotions right now. You were just trying to be the best husband and Dad by updating all of us on Lindsay and everything afterwards with this beautiful blog. But, with that, you’ve also been placed under a microscope for everyone to sit and judge. At the end of the day, it’s no one’s place to make that call. God is in control, has His own plan and knows exactly what he’s doing. Thank you for continuing to share your story with all of us. I know a lot of us are so happy that you have this blog and so happy that you’re starting to smile again and find some happiness. Congratulations and I’ll continue to pray for your sweet family.

    • Gabe

      Hi Debbie, thanks for following this story and for honoring Lindsay by attending her funeral service. I am glad you feel closer to God through reading this. I think that is what He intends.

      Timelines are hard when we try to make sense of anything that happens in our life. That is exactly why I have thrown my arms up in the air and told God “You have me, do what you will.” I have never said “in this amount of time.”

      I am glad you have your prince charming! Trust me when I tell you I was in your same place 4 months ago in thinking I would never remarry or be in love again. I could not imagine, but there are a lot of things that God has done that are unimaginable.

      Please don’t feel bad that I am caught in anything. I don’t feel that way. Sure I feel judged sometimes, but I know ultimately where my final judgement will come from. “Human” judgements are invalid, they are merely opinions, which I welcome. I think these things are great to discuss, it allows others to see how powerful God really is and it also tests those that have “faith.” Where does your faith lie? On your own judgements or Christ’s?

      In love.

      Gabe

  • charli hadley

    Gabe! I’ve been reading all of your blogs.and just wanted to tell you I pray for You and your two beautiful boys everynight. What’s happened in your life is my worst nightmare. Your strength and courage through this has been amazing” ill continue to pray for you always!
    love. Charli,Josh, hagen, logen, and cj!

    • charli hadley

      And I do believe…by finding someone in your same situation….can make you and Lindsey’s relationship even stronger! Its so surreal! And must be heaven sent!

      • Gabe

        Hi Charli, thanks for reading, I hope you have found something in it for you. I appreciate the prayers so much, I feel all of them! It is a nightmare and a dream all in one. How could God love me so much to give me the amount of peace and strength He has given me through this? How could He love me so much to get to share all of this with so many people in this world?

        It is surreal, it is a miracle. God performs them every day.

        In love.

        Gabe

  • Justanotherreader

    Gabe, I’m another of those readers who doesn’t know you but stumbled upon your blog and was very moved by it. I felt urged to write because your story is similar to someone else I’ve heard about. Two Christians found each other after each losing their spouses at a young age. She has 2 children with her late husband, and he has one child with his late wife. They married this year and make a beautiful family. I believe they live in the DFW area. I’m so happy they found each other, as I’m so happy that Lindsey was sent to you. Don’t listen to people that doubt your love for her. I admire your faith and it pushes me to be a stronger Christian every time I read your story. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    • Gabe

      Hi “Justanotherreader”, I am glad the blog found you! Thank you for sharing the success story of a couple in our situation. Lindsey and I have heard many success stories, but unsuccessful ones as well. We know situation is different, so we try not to compare and just listen to the Lord. He is screaming pretty loud though, which is a good feeling! 🙂

      I am so glad you feel a desire to become a “stronger” Christian. Be bold and follow your heart. Be where He wants you to be and He will speak. Be ready to listen!

      In love.

      Gabe

  • aconcernedmom

    Gabe, my heart goes out to you and your two young sons. I know you need companionship and someone to help you raise those two precious boys, but it is too soon. Lindsey contacted you 3 weeks after she buried her husband. It is definitely too soon for her and she is only trying to fill a void in her life. I agree with Justamom and think you should slow things down. You have the rest of your life to find happiness.

    • Gabe

      Thank you so much for your concern “aconcernedmom.” Anyone who knows my heart and my mind, knows that I was not in a place to even think about companionship. Companionship is not something I was searching for, I did not seek and I was very resistant to the idea even when Lindsey first came into my life. I do not need any more help than I have now to raise my boys. They boys may indeed need a mother, but it is not a matter of me needing help to raise them. She did contact me 3 weeks after her husbands death. It is amazing how quickly we were put into each other’s lives. This was not ideal timing for either of us, the timing has caused lots of pain for family and for us for this exact reason, we knew there would be judgements. We discussed from the very first week that there are voids we may feel on some level and we wanted to remain conscious of our vulnerability. We got our pastors involved and informed family from the very beginning to get counseling. One question that we told to ask ourselves constantly is “what is your motivation?” for this relationship. We continue to ask each other and are forced to discern what it may be. We grieve in different ways as well. We also allow ourselves to grieve the loss. We “lean in” if you will. I feel closer to God and Lindsay when I am at my weakest. However, there is a time to mourn and a time to dance, it does not say you can not go back and forth between these. We just find each other when its a time to dance. The grieving will never end, we will never be the same.

      We do have the rest of our lives to seek happiness, but my happiness remains being where the Lord is calling me to be. Happiness does not come from a false love and I am very conscious of that. Timing is a funny thing when you try to make sense of it, so I just put my time in prayer.

      In love.

      Gabe

  • Mindy "Pleasants" Ford

    Gabe,
    My friend. I want to start by telling you, that not only have you blessed me by your words, but others, as well. I share almost all of your blogs, and people have actually thanked me for it, because of something they were needing that day, was fulfilled by reading it. I feel closer to God just by reading your words. It is something that I can’t explain, yet it needs no explanation. It just is. My husband is a police officer, and everyday he walks out of the door, I know he may never come back. Everyday I make sure I kiss him goodbye, and everyday, I thank God when I hear him take off his duty belt, because I know, I am lucky to get one more night. We have had “the” conversation, and while, I don’t enjoy thinking about it, I know his “wishes”. All that being said, the closest I have ever been to “losing him” was the week Lindsay was battling for her life. We were in a hospital in Fort Worth, praying the same prayers for healing. He came home Thursday, and I actually remember praying that Lindsay would have the same prayers answered. It was a rough week for “Warriors”, but I had hope. I was devasted to learn the news. Then you started “speaking”, and I found myself hanging on every one of your words. I am still hanging on everyone of your words. For whatever reason, you have been choosen to walk a path, that is such a special one. I am praying for you daily, for God to continue to use you to do his work. I am praying for strength as well. Keep walking Gabe. What you have and what you are sharing is reaching, and helping so many others. Keep walking friend.

    • Gabe

      Thank you so much Mindy, it is good to hear from you! These words as I tell everyone do not come from me, I cannot explain it other than God is trying to reach people and He is using my fingers to do it. You feel close to Him because He is speaking to you. I am so glad your husband made it home safe. It was not his time and you get another day with him. Keep living with that appreciation. I will continue to be where God wants me to be. I will walk the path the Spirit leads me and I do feel there is more to come. This has been a calling coming for a while and things are falling into place. Keep reading and listening!

      In love.

      Gabe

  • adrianne

    Gabe,

    You are inspiring. I happened upon your blog recently. You and I are connected by about 2 degrees of separation, and I heard of Lindsay’s untimely passing from a friend of mine who was her sorority sister. I also have a few friends who are friends with Lindsey. I have cried tears and said prayers for you both.

    I am so curious, and nervous, and hopeful for your future. About a year ago, a good friend of mine, and a pastor, was murdered in Arlington. His wife was also my college roommate. Watching her live through this tragedy has been heart-wrenching. She STILL cannot bear to be awake most days, much less have a relationship with someone else. So it is very hard for me to understand how your current situation could be possible. But, as you said, everyone grieves differently. And if I was in your situation, yes, I think it would be nice to have someone who really understands around.

    I believe you are a great man. I believe you are a great father. I believe you are wiser than your age. I believe Lindsay is proud of you. I believe you are following God with all your heart. I’m intrigued by you and by your story. God doesn’t seem to make appearances in my life very much, but he certainly does in yours. And in seeing that, I guess that means he’s appearing in mine indirectly. I hope that you proceed with your relation with caution, but I also can’t wait to see what happens for you next.

    Thank you for your story and your willingness to share.

    • Gabe

      Hi Adrianne, thank you for reaching out! Thank you for the prayers for both of us, that is interesting you are tied to both of us in some way.

      I am sorry to hear about your good friend and his wife! Everyone’s journey is different and I fully believe God will work on us and in us however He sees fit. He will guide us and He has His plan. I don’t try too hard to understand the why in anything. If I do, I would drive myself nuts. I think this will drive everyone else nuts as well, that is why I hope and pray that the readers will learn the biggest lesson of all here, which is to let go and trust in the Lord. Don’t try to make sense of what He is doing, just be where He wants you. He does want you.

      Thank you for all the kind words, I am only the human, so anything that seems great is that I live in the Lord. Anything I am is because of Him. I am weak, He is strong.

      I enjoy sharing this, but it is not my will, it is His. I just listen and “be.”

      In love.

      Gabe

  • Razan

    I just wanted to say how inspiring it is to see so many people touched by this post. Although some responses are not as pleasant as others, it is still reaching people, and it is allowing us all to look at life in a different way. It seems that this one post sparked a debate that many of us didn’t know we needed to have in our life, but I can almost guarantee that everyone is talking not only about life, but about love, God, and what His plan for each and every one of us is, and that is beautiful. God Bless.

    • Gabe

      Amen Razan.

      I started this to tell a few stories about Lindsay and it grew to something I never imagined. People are being affected by Him wanting to reach them through this. “My” life has become an open book, but it is for the glory of it all. I have listened to what He has wanted me to do and the people He wanted to reach have responded.

      This is just the beginning of Part of the Miracle and I pray His will will be done. Soon things will be clear.

      In love.

      Gabe

  • Stephanie

    I love how God works. Our lives are not our own. As I have read through this blog since yesterday all I can hear is this song “I Give Myself Away” by William McDowell. It’s amazing how God can take one persons situation and touch so many people on so many different levels. We serve an AMAZING God! Thank you for being sensitive to Gods voice and following your calling.

    • Gabe

      Hi Stephanie, thank you for reaching out. That song is great and I relate on every level to those words right now. The story God has given me has been able to reach thousands, now it is time for thousands to reach…

      In love.

      Gabe

  • Stephanie

    A link to this song (I hope it works):
    http://pl.st/s/1692283665

  • Bonnie Hall Wheelis

    Hey, Gabe,

    This is Bonnie {from the Wed. night group}. I was going through my workbook and remembered you’d given me your blog address, so I checked it out… :o) I only read your most recent post, though, as it had had MANY comments, and already I felt compelled to add one of my one.

    I am praying for you and your sons, your mother-in-law, & the rest of your family. I have also been praying for Lindsey & her daughter since the evening you shared about her. Having lost my “soul mate” and best friend suddenly/unexpectedly at the age of 26, I feel I understand somewhat what both of you are going through in your grief, though I will NOT say totally because we all experience it differently, and I know NO ONE knows how you feel….no one knows how I feel in my grief–not even ME sometimes! 🙂

    Anyway, losing Jacob, my husband and HS sweetheart, has been the hardest thing in my life and as my life goes on (almost six years), that remains still true. I believe losing one of my kids would/could be the only worse thing I would have to experience on this planet, and I thank God everyday for their health and beg for their protection.

    I don’t know why when you experience this type of loss, people feel the right to tell you what’s right/wrong–as if they have some secret knowledge of God’s ways. I won’t pretend to know if what you are choosing is right or not–but I am thankful you are seeking God’s will in your decisions.

    You’re gonna make mistakes–who doesn’t??? That’s ok. I felt I was suddenly being scrutinized under a microscope because my husband died, and every decision or action I made needed explanation. People would actually get offended/angry if I didn’t take their advice!!! I tried to remember that people care/mean well, but again, unless one’s experienced the loss of a mate, they will just NOT get it…and I would take it a step further–unless one’s been widowed at a young age, with young children, they can’t imagine/understand…lucky them! That made it easier to forgive them when they added guilt to my grief.

    I felt lots of people used my daughter, who was 3 at the time, as a way to try to make me guilted into seeing things their way. I have done everything possible to keep Jake’s spirit alive in Audra’s life–we talk about him, look at pictures, tell stories, cry together, watch home videos….and I have tried to honor him in the way I am raising her. I just have to remind myself that as long as I feel I am honoring him, then that’s enough…no one knew him as well as me, and I know he’s up there watching us and is proud of how I have handled the things that have been tossed in my lap. For me, that’s what matters…not what random people think.

    My testimony is, God has been faithful to me through the mistakes I made in grief, and even they have been part of His intricately woven plan for my life. I am SO awed at how He works for the good of those who love Him. Through all of my pain, I have sought Him and loved Him. He has been my Rock when I have felt too weak, the One I turn to in my pain. He is THE REASON I have continued to live–not just exist {which is really not an option for us}. God has me (and you) here for a reason…it’s not always clear to me what that is, but each day and I am trying to understand and figure out what I am to do next–and when I ask, He shows me and amazes me all over again!

    I would say, (not that you are asking) as long as you continue to seek God, trust Him and then do the things that are laid before you here–like getting up in the morning, taking care of your precious boys, breathing….then you are doing a good job! You have been through something horrific (and are still going through it). Just because you’ve found some good in your life doesn’t mean that you aren’t still going through living hell each day…that’s the part people don’t get. You didn’t die and you must continue to live…but you don’t have to be miserable for a set amount of time…our loving God doesn’t want that anymore than your spouse in Heaven does…and her death wasn’t meant to punish you, so there is no set time until you’re allowed to experience happiness again. Something beyond horrible has happened to you, and you have to live with that forever, but it doesn’t have to become who you are…I love that you are honoring your wife and seeking God through your pain. Our main purpose in this life is to glorify God…and just from the little I’ve heard from you, you’re doing that!

    I, too, felt a sense of acceptance about my loss almost immediately–not approval, because I would have NEVER signed off on it!!–but a trust that God’s plan and God’s ways are bigger than me and my feelings and that He would carry me through…and He has. I am thankful to have met you…it’s just another glimpse of the beautiful tapestry that God is weaving out of my life. I will continue to pray for you and for Lindsey in both of your losses.

    • Gabe

      Bonnie, there is so much here I don’t even know where to begin, but I can tell you this… Last night at Grief Share you had a light and a life about you that I have not seen. I am so thankful for whatever it is that is bringing you to this point. I am so thankful God has put us in each other’s life and I am excited about our new friendship!

      In love.

      Gabe

  • Leah

    Hi Gabe!

    I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning and it is AMAZING! I think the honesty you share makes this blog so powerful. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a spouse. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes. You are truly a strong person!

    I know people have their own opinions about your new relationship and I am a big believer in “you never know until you’re in someone else’s shoes”. Some say it’s too soon, but life is TOO SHORT and no one is promised another day. I’m glad you have found someone to turn to, when there is no one else who will understand.

    You have truly taken this heartbreaking experience into something positive.

    I think we get so wrapped in our everyday lives, jobs/stress, that it’s easy to take family/life for granted. Your blog has reminded me just how precious each moment is!!

    Stay strong! I will continue to pray for you and your family!

    • Gabe

      Hi Leah, thank you for reading! There are many reasons to move forward (including life is TOO SHORT), but the most important of all is I follow my God and allow Him to place me where He wants me to be in order to truly grow and glorify Him. He will provide the strength, wisdom, and understanding to do that. In the end, if I have done just that, I can only hope it is a life lived well.

      Thank you for the prayers!

      In love.

      Gabe

  • Hannah

    Beauty for ashes, right?! Love this! God is good. He is close to the broken hearted. He works in ways none of us can explain. Happy for you & my prayers continue to be sent your way!! –Hannah

  • Tess

    Where is god for the 95% of the planet who are suffering? For the millions dying of hunger? Aids? Cancer? For innocent people who have to live wars? For those millions of people living in the most miserable conditions, you can’t even start to imagine?

    And you think that god is actually thinking of YOU, I mean, who are you? Just one little person on this entire planet. God would prefer helping you finding a new love after a couple of months, than feeding millions of people?

    I’m happy for you finding a new love, but it’s actually arrogant to think that god would be there, Just For You. Come on, be real, it’s just two people in the same situation who (of course) connect. It’s almost logic that you would fall in love with this woman. And she with you.

    But don’t say it was god.

    • another reader

      Tess….Wow…this is harsh.

      This is person trying to make sense of this tragic experience and trying to deal with this the best way he knows how to.

      Don’t try to take someone’s faith away (especially one who is trying to rebuild their life) just because you do not agree.

      I mean, have you been in his situation? Can you even relate to what he is going through? i’m just curious.

  • just a parent

    My heart aches for the pain you and Lindsey have endured in losing your spouses. No one your young age should be having to go through this. It is not the “natural” order and timeline of life typically. However, this is the hand you were dealt and I believe that someday our heavenly father will make us understand why things happened as they did.
    Gabe, no one would ever wish for you and Lindsey to not find someone else to share the rest of your life with. No one is trying to judge either of you for this, nor is it the place of a human to judge another. However, I must say that as an outsider and as a parent, I can’t help but express what hurts my heart in all of this. You and Lindsey are not the only ones having to go through the grief process……there are parents and siblings in the picture who also have to get up every day and just remember to breathe. It is all so very fresh and new in dealing with losing a child just a few short months ago. To be dealing with a child’s spouse moving on romantically beginning 3 weeks/2 months after the death of their children would be almost unbearable in the pain it would cause. As a parent myself, I can only say what any parent would be feeling right now, given that their loss is so new and raw. Scott and Lindsay’s parents are reeling in grief at this early stage of the grief process and it is just so soon for them to have to watch a new romance play out (very publicly I might add) with their son and daughter’s spouses, and not an easy thing to watch someone stepping into the role that their son/daughter had only a few short months ago. Would it ever be easy to watch your daughter-in-law/son-in-law move on in a romantic sense? No!…… In all honesty.I don’t think it would ever be easy and would be another hurdle to overcome in the grief process. Nevertheless, in due time, I know that as hard as it would be when that day arrives, most parents would also understand and rejoice that their daughter-in-law/son-in-law found a future and happiness again. HOWEVER, at this extremely early stage in their grief they are just getting used to the loss of a child……..their baby! All of this would be an awful lot to handle and watch play out so early in their grief process. In a sense it would be like a scab trying to form and then getting that scab knocked off of the healing that is trying to take place. It is just a lot to process so soon in grieving for their children. I know that you say this is out of your control because this is all God’s doing and him wanting for ya’ll to be together. Maybe so…..time will tell all of that. Personally, I struggle with putting God’s stamp on the extremely fast speed of this romance because that would be saying that God has chosen to make you and Lindsey feel better quickly and at the same has chosen to allow even more pain inflicted on your families with how fast this is all happening! Why would he chose your feelings over their feelings? I just can’t believe that God would do that to anyone when they are already hurting so badly and just struggling to get through each day! But one thing I can say for sure…….if God has brought you and Lindsey to this, it will not go away and there is no rush on it to seal the deal. Perhaps what we are seeing in this scenario is part God and part man being a little impatient and trying to rush things along. I too am a believer and believe in prayer and God’s power. I am guilty of trying to rush God into answering prayers and doing things on my timing. I have found that God usually tells me to “be still” and have patience(which is not one of my stronger virtues). He has always answered my prayers but not in the speed timing I would have liked or have tried to make happen. Gabe, one more thing I wanted to add…..you say that because you are a believer you have never have questioned your wife’s death. This in itself shows that you still have a long journey ahead in your grief process. Gabe, it doesn’t make you a bad Christian or a lesser Christian to question God or even be mad at him. God understands those emotions because he designed us that way and gave us those emotions. It is only a normal part of the grief process to question and have anger when someone you love has been taken in such an untimely manner. God still loves us even when we get mad at him………he is a pretty understanding guy! Anyway, please know that all of you are in my prayers in this journey.

    Just a parent

    • Gabe

      Hi “just a parent”, thank you for your notes. A lot of human emotions, terms, feelings have been brought up in all of this. And why not, we are all human right? You are right, Lindsey and I were dealt these hands and it is an all around heartbreaking thing. We understand that no one would ever wish for us not to find anyone else for the rest of our lives. In fact when my Mother In-law and I were looking at cemetery lots to bury my wife Lindsay in, the owner asks the question, “would you like one or two lots?” That was something I was not prepared for. Before I can get my answer out, my Mother In-law speaks up and says, “Now Gabe, you are only 29 years…” and before she finishes I said “no, stop.” I know she wants me to be happy and to remarry… eventually. This is not something I wanted as I have talked about before on this site. It is something that I had decided that I would never do. It took an awful lot to change that way of thinking where I was the one trying to decide what my future holds. I felt is was being put on me to just stay in that “bubble” and I was very comfortable and felt good about it. I had no doubt I could raise the boys and we would be just fine. I felt the Lord would provide and take care of us. That’s where my heart was. Again, it took God revealing Himself in a pretty big way to break that bubble and get me to listen.

      There are some judgements, but I truly don’t feel they are coming from the family. I feel the family is coming from a place of love. Love for the living and for the deceased. I realize there are others going through this process and I have tried to be very sensitive about this subject. However, I only thought it was right to be honest from the very beginning. And it wasn’t until the family and some friends were being put into a poor position of not knowing what to say when being questioned about me and a relationship did I decide something needed to be said. That is the double edge sword of this site. Though many find it helpful, it is not always easy to put my personal life out there the way it is. Lindsay and I use to be very private (both of us were like that), but if people find something in this site then who am I not to allow God to tell a story? I don’t own the rights to this story and I did not write this story. God has.

      That being said, the family that struggles the most is obvious and for very good reason. My Mother In-law and I attend Grief Share every Wednesday and last night was “losing a child.” The week before was “losing a spouse.” So I see the differences. However, I hope I never have to feel the pain she does and I pray she doesn’t have to hurt much longer. I also know that there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to ease that pain. That is the other harsh reality. I can comfort my small children when they get a scrape or cut, but there is no way to comfort the pain that my Mother In-law has. The only place she can go to for that is Christ. Pray, pray, pray. I have had thousands of people praying for my peace and I know they are right there praying for her as well. No matter what I do, it will NOT be ME giving her that peace when she finally receives it. I can love her and I do, but I can not provide the healing of the pain she feels. I saw the pain she was in the week I was breaking down and hurting so bad that I prayed for “more.” The same night Lindsey and I were put in touch, my Mother In-law and I cried together and she told me she did not want me to hurt anymore. That it was too painful for her to see me hurt anymore. So either way… Gabe on his own or Gabe with Lindsey, the pain is there. No greater, no less, because you can not get any greater pain with losing a loved one (child). Again, I wish I could heal her, but I can’t. That can only come from the Lord. I will love her every step of the way though.

      I have told Lindsey that if I did not feel God wanted us to be in this relationship right now and in each others lives like this right now, then I would not be in it. Not because she is not incredible, but because it is not what my creator wants. That is who I live this life by.

      WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED RIGHT NOW. We are building on a friendship, which we had from the beginning, we have accepted feelings that have creeped in by getting to know each other better (not the loss commonality, but actually the person inside), and we feel like God is at the center of this and we will keep Him there. There is no timeline on this, but I can assure you WE ARE NOT MAKING PLANS TO GET MARRIED.

      I am never going to speak for God, so I can’t say “Personally I can’t see God” doing anything. He is the almighty! He can do anything. I also fully believe that He and only He can provide shelter for the families. The same people that are asking us to stop hurting them by breaking up are the same people that if by asking us to break would be hurting Lindsey and I. So either way someone would be hurting the other. That is why I have tried to discern whether or not this is God’s will. If it is, which I believe it to be, then the only way to heal would be to seek shelter in Him. The families have suffered a loss, grieve the loss. Pray for peace of that loss. Don’t worry about another’s walk and journey in life. The last thing we want to do is to hurt ANYONE! On the other side, the last thing I believe those people want is to hurt us! So in loving each other deeply… pray, love and seek shelter in the Lord for the loss of Lindsay and Scott. I want nothing more than all parties to be healed, but as anyone who has lost someone would know, people grieve differently… different amounts of pain at different times over different losses for different amounts of time. If we fall into the “natural” order of things, mine and Lindsey’s children will grieve the longest, then Lindsey and I, then the parents/grandparents. We will hurt longer if you look at it that way. There are a million ways to look at it, but there is only one way to find healing and that is through Christ. Not through controlling other’s lives. We are not the first to find love this soon, we will not be the last. And, yes there are success stories and there are unsuccessful stories of these couples. That is why we are giving it time to figure out each other.

      God does not want anyone to feel the pain of these losses. He does not want either families to feel pain. He doesn’t care about mine and Lindsey’s pain more than anyone else’s. I can’t answer the “why” we feel the way we do other than we both have been so focused on seeking shelter in the Lord. That is all. There is nothing anyone could have said or done to get me to where I am now. That can only come from Christ. Everything comes from Him!

      One thing that I ask is to please do not question my heart and how I could not be angry with God. I am not and will not be angry with Him. I have too much to be thankful for to be angry with Him and have too much of an understanding and perspective of this life to be angry with Him. SHE IS IN PARADISE! IF I LOVE HER, I WANT THE BEST FOR HER. HOW CAN YOU BE IN ANY BETTER OF A PLACE THAN WITH THE LORD? I am jealous of her, not angry with God. I am not saying that will not ever come, but I can say with 100% conviction, I am not angry with God. I associate the love He has for me and the strength He has provided to this sense of no anger at Him. I also do not think it is a “bad” thing to be angry with Him. That is perfectly acceptable, I just do not have that feeling personally. We are all human and I am sure there are areas that I have feelings on that you may not agree with in the contrary. God is not a guy and I think that may be where we differ. He was here in the flesh through Jesus Christ and He did feel pain as one of us, but He is powerful enough to rise from the dead, so I am certain He is powerful enough to get all parties through this in due time.

      I pray for all the family and please do not forget about friends. Friends hurt too, this is not easy. Life is not easy. Life is hard, but again, there is only one place to find peace and healing. It will not come from me and Lindsey.

      With more love than you can possibly imagine.

      Gabe

  • Yvette Fox

    Gabe,
    When you have a happy healthy relationship and you have a good God marriage your heart and love is healthy. Being in that circumstance allows love to continue and that desire to remain. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you. God does not call us to understand but to have faith. Your doing a great job!
    This is near and dear to my heart as I lost my precious husband and best friend since we were 12 years old shortly before you lost Lindsey. The Holy Spirit told me within a few days of his death “Who” I was to love and “Who” I was to marry again. I did not ask for this, I put the pillow over my ears and argued at first. Now, I am called to carry thru with faith and be patient and watch the Holy Spirits work. Be blessed~

  • emily

    Gabe, Along with others, I do not know you personally, but your wife and I have mutual friends and so I have followed your blog and story through them. I just heard a pastor speak on grief this week, and he said something that made me come back and comment.. He said after counseling many people through immense tragedy, nothing frustrates Him/ or even resembles how satan can work as people placing judgements who’ve never known the intense anguish of losing a spouse. He said if someone is fortunate to find love soon after loss, what a beautiful gift. I read one comment above that made my heart ache. Who are we to dare say what Lindsey will mean to your children if you feel God leading you to date, who are we to box grief in or define the way you should experience it? Grief is like running a marathon in the dark, when you see a light shining through, I believe it’s meant to be something we would run towards, not away from. I am sure this is a time of so many mixed emotions, thank you for your willngness to be open and vulnerable..

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