Past, Present, and Future

I met my wife in 1998 with the hope of a future. It was like we could see everything ahead of us. What we saw was all the good things…

A love.

A wedding.

A child.

A home.

A life together.

We were not looking at…

The heartache.

The troubles.

The bend but don’t break moments.

Never did we imagine this is how our future would look.

In the past, we lived and appreciated the present, and looked to the future with hopeful eyes and hopeful hearts.

Now that “we” is “I”.

Yesterday is my past.

Today is my present.

Tomorrow is my future.

I don’t know when or where the heartache will come.

I don’t know when or where the troubles will come.

I don’t know where the bend but don’t break moments will come.

One thing I do know is…

I still look at that future with hopeful eyes and a hopeful heart.



What To Do

Curl up in a ball?

Hide under a rock?

Stay in bed?

Cry all day?

Be sad all the time?

Waste this day?

Waste tomorrow?

No, I refuse.

I will grow.

I will strengthen.

I will fight.

I will love.

I will learn.

I will teach.

I will be me.

I will be the man HE wants me to be.

I will walk to the gates with my head held high…

with a joyful heart…

and with a smile on my face.

Not because I knew no pain, but because I did.


Not For Me

Lindsay’s passing has forced me and lot of people around me to look at their lives…

How they live

How they love

Who they love

What they say

What they do

What really matters

And the big WHY?

Why are we here, why do we do the things we do, why do we live the lives we do?

For me the biggest question that has been answered for me is the WHO…

Who do we live this life for…

Is it for me?

Is it for you?

Is it for him?

Is it for her?

I have had faith all my life, this is not a new thing. I didn’t go searching for this faith when Lindsay passed.

The first thing I said out loud when Lindsay took her last breath here on Earth was “I will never deny you.”

It was then I knew whole heartedly WHO I live this life for.

I live it for my God, your God, his God, her God.

My first thought when my wife, best friend, my everything was gone was “I will never deny YOU GOD.”

I know you are good. I know you are powerful. I know you love me and I will NEVER deny you.

I wish I could pick and choose what happens in this life… as I have mentioned before we all want that “perfect” life. Perfect health, perfect timing, perfect circumstances so that every decision is easy.

The hard truth is this life what we feel is perfect is not always the case.

“Wouldn’t it be nice?”

That’s a question I use to ask a lot. This is one I would love to be able to ask now, but it just doesn’t work. When you go down that road you just get set up for disappointment.

So then what do you do?

You ask God for guidance. Sometimes that guidance can be hard. How do you know where the “answers” are coming from?

Mom use to tell me “if it feels wrong, it is wrong.”

The devil can be deceiving, so can’t he make it seem like it is right, when it is wrong?

I stick my face in the Bible, I pray, I ask God for the answers. I ask him to keep demons and all that is evil far away. I ask for clarity, wisdom, and understanding.

Still how do you know who is making you feel the way you are?

For me there is one thing that has remained constant for me…


I don’t feel that the devil has it in him to provide peace.

That is God’s weapon. That is how I know.

So as I continue this journey of life, I will live it for God and I will get my answers in the peace that I feel.

That does not mean things will always be easy… what may be hard at first with just getting a glimpse of light… in the end if you live this life for God and find your peace… it can only be good.


You Tell Me…

What’s your story?



Several weeks ago I had the fortunate encounter with someone that God put in “my” life for a reason (read here).┬áThat someone is ‘Jason’.

A simple introduction of himself to me, led to a simple introduction of him to the staff at Church, led to HOPE.

I have been in touch with Jason here and there while he has continued his walk to a new life with Christ.

Jason has a job.

Jason has a home.

Jason has food.

Jason has heat.

Jason has a church.

Jason has a belief.

Jason has HOPE.

His prayer has gone from “God please give me warmth” to “God thank you for warmth” to “God continue to reveal yourself to me”.

Merry Christmas.


Heart & Soul

To Brody & Cash,

One day you will ask me…

“What was mommy like?”

This is what I will tell you…

“Mommy was beautiful.”

You will say…


I will say…

“Yes, beautiful.”

You will say…

“I know we’ve seen the pictures.”

I will say…

“I’m not talking about the pictures.”

You will say…

“Then what are you talking about Daddy?”

I will say…

“Boys, your mommy is beautiful in pictures, but I am talking about her heart and soul. You see, the Bible speaks of Abraham’s wife, Sarah, as a quiet and gentle soul and in God’s eyes that is of great worth. Of great worth. Does it say Sarah was beautiful any where? No. It says she was a quiet and gentle soul. That was mommy. That is beauty boys. When I met mommy we were kids, not too much older than you. Lets look at those pictures. Now lets look at the ones of her and you guys. See the difference? That is because looks change. For her, she just got more and more beautiful, but we both knew that would fade. Look at me, see the gray hair? Well your mommy use to tease me when I first started getting a few after you came along. Don’t worry its not your fault though. Mommy and I use to talk about how our looks would change one day and we would still love each though. We loved each other with our heart and souls and it was those two things that we loved. So, we loved them, with them. We loved the two things that will never fade. Not only do they never fade, but if you live your life right and for the one God that created me and your mommy and your brother and you, then instead of fading, they will become stronger and even more beautiful than they are now. So, when I tell you, your mommy is beautiful, what do you see?”

And you will say…

“Her heart and her soul.”

And I will say…

“Now let me tell you just how beautiful they are…”


Made For You

Life is funny, life is sad, life is hard, life is blessed, life is hurt, life is pain, life is joy, life is beautiful, life is love.

All of these are true, yet so contradicting.

I have felt all of this on all levels in my life.

I have experienced all of these versions of life and will experience more while I continue on this journey.

I wouldn’t change anything about my life because it is not my life, it is God’s.

He gave me all of these versions of life.

When life is funny, it is love. When life is sad, it is love. When life is hard, it is love. When life is blessed, it is love. When life is hurt, it is love. When life is pain, it is love. When life is joy, it is love. When life is beautiful, it is love.

I live this life for him and I take any version of love he wants to give me.